After 31 years of life I have come to the difficult decision of giving up my faith in God.  I have struggled to hold on to my belief, but I can no longer maintain my one-sided relationship with God.  I am making the decision to leave Christianity because my mind can no longer accept by faith what contradicts the truths I have seen and experienced.  This decision is not the result of any one event, but the combination of all my experiences and observations.  This is also not a way of lashing out at God or at any person.  It is not the result of any sin in my life, nor out of a desire to live in sin.  I feel that because this is such a major decision for my life, it demands a full explanation.  This writing is not a letter, as it is a collection of my thoughts for anyone who cares to read them.  It is not a research paper, as it is a personal narrative, not an academic exercise.  This is not an exhaustive collection of all the thoughts and events leading to my decision.  I am not trying to persuade anyone to give up their faith.  My hope in writing this is to offer a fair explanation for my decision to leave my faith and address any concerns that may arise from this decision.  I offer three reasons why I can't hold on to my faith: God doesn't answer prayer, the Holy Spirit is powerless, and I can't trust the Bible.  I also explain why I can't live up to the standard of faith that Christianity demands. 

 

One of the things that lead to my thought process was hearing Christians say things like “The Lord works in mysterious ways”, “Thank God that (insert situation) was not worse than it was”, “Lord we put this situation in your hands, and pray for you to do your will”.  As a Christian, I found those phrases as pitiful excuses for God.  I thought “Who am I to defend God?  Is he not powerful enough to defend himself?”  I found those to be examples of weak faith, and decided that any worthwhile faith would not make excuses and pitiful defenses of God.  I thought that faith by itself is not a virtue.  In order for faith to be of any value, the object of your faith should be solid, and able to withstand challenges.  In order to test the value of my faith I decided to hold God to the same standards I hold myself.  I ask that as you read this to do the same: withhold judgment, and let God defend himself.

 

God Doesn't Answer Prayer

 

Years ago I read in a book something to the effect of “If you talk to God, you're not crazy; If God talks back. You are crazy”.  At the time I took the quote as it was intended, to be a funny commentary on what is considered “normal” in society.  At the same time, though, I realized that this quote is actually backwards.  If you talk to someone who never responds, you might as well be talking to the wall or the flower pot.  For years I have been praying to God without even an acknowledgement that he has ever heard a thing I have said.  He has never responded, and I feel like my prayers have just been bouncing off the ceiling.  I feel that if God does not respond to my prayers, then I have no relationship regardless what I do on my part.  Take an example of a man who comes home one day to find that his wife is not there.  He calls her on her cell phone to check up on her and leaves her a message.  By the next day, she is still gone, so he calls her again and leaves another message.  Day after day the man calls her or emails her, but she never responds, and he never sees her.  After how many years of this does the man no longer consider himself married to her?  At some point, no matter what he does, he no longer has a relationship.  Why have I continued reaching out to God for much longer than most men would reach out to an unresponsive wife?  Am I not the crazy one for continuing to talk to God when God does not talk back?  I know that the truly honorable thing is to continue to be faithful no matter what.  The  testing of my faith will ultimately have some value if I can remain faithful.  Just as in the example of the man with the missing wife, there could be a perfectly valid reason for her absence.  Likewise, there could be a perfectly valid reason God has been hiding himself from me.  But how long can I reasonably be expected to wait?  Even Job got to the point where he demanded an explanation.  Whatever trial or test God may be putting me through, I have failed.  I have prayed for years with no answer; I can't do it anymore.

 

Most Christians pray before eating a meal.  Many pray before taking a trip.  I used to pray before every cross country race.  Do Christians have fewer cases of food poisoning?  Does their food taste better?  Do they have fewer car accidents?  Why is prayer not banned for athletes in the same way that steroids are?  These are silly examples, because nobody really expects praying over your food to have any effect, or that God really cares who wins the Superbowl.  God doesn't answer these prayers because they are not within his will, or they are things we need to deal with ourselves.  They may also be reminders to us to be thankful and to put into perspective who we receive our blessings from.

 

So what kinds of prayers does God answer?  In reading the Bible, one can see that Jesus' ministry was closely tied to physical healing.  It seems as though everywhere Jesus went, he healed the sick; the physical healing was closely tied to spiritual healing.  In many instances Jesus offered physical healing as proof of his ability to provide spiritual healing.  I also find it interesting that Jesus healed everyone who came to him.  There is not one instance recorded where a person came to Jesus for healing, and Jesus responded that it was not God's will for them to be healed.  Christians constantly pray for healing for themselves or others, and when that person gets healed, they praise God for his healing power.  Why then on a major scale do Christians get sick just as often as non-Christians?  Why don't medical schools teach prayer as a healing method?  Why are diet and exercise better indicators of a person's health than prayer?  Why are Christians just as likely to die as non-Christians?  If Jesus used physical healing as proof of his ability to save souls, what does it mean today when prayer has no impact on physical healing?

 

What prayers does God promise to answer?  One obvious answer is found in the book of James, where it says that if anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives liberally and without reproach.  There is no question as to God's willingness to answer prayers for wisdom.  The Bible also promises us that we have an assurance in approaching God, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us, and that we will have whatever we ask.  Another prayer we can pray that God will grant is for increased faith, as he is the author of our faith.  When Jesus taught his disciples to pray, he told them to pray for God's kingdom to come God's will to be done, their daily bread, and forgiveness.  Basically, if God won't answer prayers with measurable results, such as prayer for miraculous healing, he will answer vague prayers whose results can't be measured.  But even vague prayers don't seem to be answered.  Are Christians significantly wiser than non-Christians?  Do they make better leaders or businessmen due to the vast wisdom imparted on them by God?  Will God's kingdom not come if we don't pray for it?  Why does God answer rich American's prayers for daily bread, when he ignored all the prayers of Christian Ethiopians in starvation?  Why does where you are from and how wealthy you are affect God's ability to answer your prayers for daily bread?  Will God not forgive my sins if I don't pray to him for forgiveness?  Is Jesus' death only valid if I also pray about every mistake I make?  What about praying for God's will?  I have often seen Christians, who are too cowardly to pray for real results, pray for God's will to be done in such and such situation.  This seems to be the easy way out, as no matter what happens, it can be declared as God's will.  I have also heard Christians say that God answers all prayers in his wisdom with “Yes”, “No”, or “Not now”, meaning that if God answers your prayer as you prayed, praise the LORD, he answered “Yes”.  If something different than what you prayed for happens, then praise the LORD, in his great wisdom saw that what you were praying for was not the best for you, and answered in a way that will help you grow stronger.  If you pray for something, and it doesn't happen until years later, then praise the LORD, he knew you needed patience, and answered when the timing was right.  The problem with the “Yes”, “No” and “Not now” explanation is that I can get the same answers praying to a toaster.  I might as well trust the toaster to save my soul if it is just as effective as God.

 

I realize that God is not my genie in a bottle waiting around in order to answer my wishes.  I realize that the primary purpose for prayer is to build a relationship with God, and to acknowledge his position.  I acknowledge that God's grace is sufficient for me, and I don't need or deserve anything beyond that.  I would not consider myself to be in a position to demand that my prayers be answered, except that God repeatedly promised throughout the Bible that he would answer prayers.  The Bible is full of examples of people praying to God, and God answering their requests.  We can read about Jabez, Elijah, Daniel, Hezekiah, the apostles, and many others who prayed to God and saw amazing miracles take place.  If you look really hard today, you can also see miracles take place, but none come even close to fire coming down from heaven.  Why would God give us these examples of faithful men to follow, if he will not answer our prayers in the same way he answered theirs?  If God is unwilling or unable to answer prayers in the modern era, why would he repeatedly promise us that he will answer prayer?  God promised us that if we remain in him and his words remain in us, then we can ask whatever we wish, and it will be given to us.  He also tells us that we can have confidence in approaching God, that if we ask anything according to his will, then we can know that he hears us, and that we will have whatever we asked.  In the book of James, James admonished his readers that the reason they have not received certain things is that they have not asked for them.  The flip side to that is that if we ask for things, we will receive them.  The common excuse for unanswered prayer that Christians bring up is that God's will is unknowable.  I reject that excuse.  We have the entire Bible which gives us a clear picture of God's character, what he loves, what he hates, and what his plans are.  Through the Bible we can clearly see what God's will is, and if we pray according to God's character as presented in the Bible, then we should be able to confidently pray for God's will.  God clearly wants what is best for us.  If we pray for bread, he won't give us a snake.  In the parable of the persistent widow, Jesus teaches us that God is much more caring than an unjust judge.  If an unjust judge can provide justice to a persistent widow, then how much more will God give us justice if we persist?  My question is does the amount of our prayers increase the likelihood of God answering them?  If so, how much prayer meets the threshold for our loving God to distinguish himself from an unjust judge?  Throughout Tim Guhr's sickness, I fasted and prayed fervently, convinced it could not be God's will for him to die.  Or with my friend Katie's mom with breast cancer.  I prayed every single day for an entire year for her healing.  I trusted God to hear my prayers until she died, leaving Katie an orphan, as her dad had also died a few years earlier.  In other cases I spent between eight and twelve hours a day in uninterrupted prayer.  How much do I have to pray in order to meet the threshold of persistence for God to hear me?  I don't know.  Apparently I haven't been persistent enough to be heard by God.  

 

As I said earlier, I would not consider myself to be in a position to demand that God answer prayer, except that he repeatedly promised that he would.  Holding God to the same standards I hold myself, if I were to make so many promises, so clearly, I would be expected to keep my promises.  I don't think it is unreasonable to expect an all-powerful God to answer prayer as he promised he would.  If I can't trust God to hear my prayers, how can I trust him to have heard my prayers to forgive my sins?

 

The Holy Spirit is Powerless

 

Another area in which I see a difference between what is written in the Bible and what exists in reality is in the power of the Holy Spirit.  Before his death, Jesus told his disciples that he would be leaving, but that a comforter would take his place, and that the disciples would be better off.  He told them that they would be able to perform even greater miracles than he did.  When Pentecost came around, and the disciples were filled with the Holy Spirit, they immediately were filled with boldness they lacked before, they began speaking in tongues, and even began performing miracles.  The rest of the book of acts is filled with examples of how the early Christians radically changed the world through the power of the Holy Spirit.

 

However, over the past 2,000 years, it seems that the Holy Spirit has lost his power to perform miracles.  Christians today are not transforming the world in such a dramatic fashion anymore.  When people accept Jesus as their savior there is no dramatic indwelling of the Holy Spirit as described in Acts.  They are not able to immediately speak foreign languages, prophesy, or handle poisonous snakes without getting bitten.  The conversion experience today is much less dramatic than what is described time after time in the Bible.  Never in my life have I had a magician offer me money to share the Holy Spirit with him.  While it is true that in some Pentecostal churches people speak in tongues and experience dramatic moments of being filled with the Holy Spirit.  Also, there are countless televangelists who claim to have miraculous healing power, and lead dramatic revival meetings.  But even the majority of Christians reject these as false manifestations of the Spirit.  The tongues spoken at Pentecostal churches generally is indistinguishable babel not based on any real language in existence.  Even if these utterances were really the work of the Spirit, they would be a much watered down version of the biblical accounts, where everyone was able to understand the disciples in their native language.  If the televangelists really were able to conduct faith healing, why do they not get certified as practicing doctors, and empty out hospitals?  Maybe the small portion of Christians that believe in the Holy Spirit conducting miracles actually have more faith than the rest of Christians, or maybe they are just fuller with the Holy Spirit.  I don't doubt that they have more faith than most other Christians.  They have seen what the Bible has described as the power of the Holy Spirit, and they have believed that those things are true today.  They have faith that the Holy Spirit has not lost his power to perform miracles over time.  The Bible promises that in the last days people will speak in tongues, prophesy and perform miracles.  If that was true in the first century, it should be even more true today, since we are even closer to the last days.  If Pentecostals are more full of the Spirit than other Christians, are they more saved?  Does this increased level of spirituality extend to other areas of their life as well?  Are they more likely to have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, etc?  In my experience, no.  It seems that the only difference between Christians who speak in tongues or perform miracles is their belief.  It also doesn't seem to matter if people are Christians or practitioners of Voodoo in their ability to perform these acts.  If the Holy Spirit has indeed lost his power to perform miracles, why doesn't the Bible tell us this would happen?  The examples and the teaching presented in the Bible give the impression that the Holy Spirit would enable Christians to live powerfully till the last days.  Somehow, though, the miraculous work of the Spirit has been lost over time.  If God can no longer work miracles, how can I trust him to save my soul?

 

Granted, the primary work of the Spirit is not to perform amazing signs.  Our faith should be strong enough that we don't need miracles to trust in God.  After all, we have the complete Bible, which puts us at a huge advantage over those living in Biblical times.  We have God's complete word, which tells us everything we need to know about his character and about his plans.  The primary role of the Spirit today is to change the lives of Christians and help mold them into the image of Jesus.  The primary role of the Spirit is, simply put, to make Christians into better Christians.  I can think of several examples of people whose lives were dramatically impacted by their conversion to Christianity.  Some people may have led lives of drugs or violence, prostitution, or any number of horrendous situations, and upon their conversion, were able to leave all that behind.  They now lead stable lives that glorify God through their actions.  These people are great examples of the Holy Spirit's power to dramatically change a person's life. Their testimonies show how God can rescue someone in a dire situation and bring them out of a life of sin into a life full of blessing.  Using rough estimates, I would say that these people only make up about two percent of all Christians.  If you look at Islam, Amway, the latest diet fad, communism, or any number of other movements around the world, you will probably find a dramatic positive change in about two percent of its followers. 

 

At the same time, we all know people who were raised in loving Christian homes who grew up studying the Bible and attending Sunday school, who for some reason rebel against God and turn to a life of sin.  These people may have grown up with the same upbringing as their brothers or sisters, but for some reason reach a point in their lives where they just snap.  They may turn to drugs, adultery, rebellion, suicide, or become entangled in some cult.  I have known several people who have gone through this, and it pains me to see them in this situation.  I have often wondered what made them different than their brothers and sisters who grew up to be good, God-fearing Christians, and I have not found an answer.  I wish I could identify these people early on and help them avoid their self-destructive path.  Fortunately, these cases are rare.  Using rough estimates, I would say it only happens to about two to three percent of all Christians.  

 

But what about the majority of Christians that the Holy Spirit does not dramatically rescue from terrible situations, or those that the Spirit is unable to protect?  In about 95% of Christians, the Holy Spirit does not make any dramatic changes in their lives.  They continue to sin after their conversion, but generally lead good lives.  Through hard work and persistence, the majority of Christians can grow more spiritual over time and learn to sin less.  How do the majority of Christians compare to non-Christians?  Christians get divorced slightly less often than non-Christians.  Christians get arrested slightly less often than non-Christians.  Teen pregnancy rates are slightly lower among Christians than non-Christians.  Christians swear less often than non-Christians- at least when they are around other Christians.  There is no difference in addiction to pornography among Christians and non-Christians.  Christians are less likely to smoke, but are more likely to be obese than non-Christians.  Christians are much less likely to be homosexuals, but that could be because most people view homosexuality as being incompatible with Christianity.  So are Christians less likely to become homosexual, or are homosexuals less likely to become Christians?  Based on my observations, it appears the difference in behaviors among Christians and non-Christians is minimal.  The fact that Christians grow up going to Sunday school every week since childhood should make more of a difference in behaviors than exists.  In my experience as a Christian, I can't really attribute any of my behaviors to the Holy Spirit.  Who I am today is a compilation of genetics, my upbringing, what I have heard, what I have read, and what I have experienced in my life.  If the main purpose of the Holy Spirit is to make Christians better, then why are the changes so insignificant?  Why are good parenting and socio-economic status better predictors of a person's behavior than the indwelling of the Holy Spirit?  Why are other religions just as effective if not more effective at raising moral followers?  Why send kids to Sunday school, when the Boy Scouts are just as effective?  Why is the all-powerful Holy Spirit statistically ineffective at making Christians into better Christians?  If I can't trust the Holy Spirit to make a difference in my life, how can I trust him to preserve my soul?

 

I Can't Trust the Bible

 

In light of the incongruities I see between my experiences and what the Bible says about prayer, the Holy Spirit, and many other topics, I can no longer trust the Bible to be the inerrant word of God.  If the Bible is directly inspired by God as it claims to be, then what it says should be true and testable.  Just as I feel God has failed in keeping his promises, the Bible has failed to live up to the standard of absolute truth.

 

One example of this is the creation story.  When you separate yourself from the story and view it from a detached position, the story seems illogical.  The order in which God creates the sun, moon, light, darkness, plants, animals and everything else defies laws of physics as I understand them.  If God divided the waters to make dry land appear and create the heavens, why is the universe as we know it so much bigger than what is described in the Bible?  Putting the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the middle of the garden makes no sense unless God wanted man to eat the fruit.  Then as an afterthought, God realizes man does not have a mate.  God parades all the animals in front of Adam in order for Adam to choose a mate.  What if Adam had decided that the water buffalo was a suitable mate?  Why did God go through this whole production if he created males and females of every other creature?  If there was a chance that one of the animals could have been a suitable helper, why are men and women so similar?  The fall of man also does not make sense.  We do not receive an adequate explanation as to why the serpent was able to speak to Eve, and why the serpent would want Eve to disobey God.  Once Adam and Eve sinned, death, pain and suffering entered the world.  I cannot imagine a world where animals did not eat each other, nerve endings did not exist, and car crashes somehow never result in injuries.  Were bacteria and viruses created after the fall?  How did plants gain nutrients if there was no decomposing matter?  The world prior to sin would have had to have been so different than the current world that God would have had to have rewritten the laws of physics the moment Eve took that first bite.  If someone were to tell me that story today for the first time, it would make as much sense as any other fable I have heard.  Until recently, I took that as absolute truth.  Applying a variation on the principle of Achem's Razor, the creation story has so many problems with it that it makes it unlikely to be true.  A far simpler explanation would conform much closer to the evidence that we have available today.

 

The creation story must be true in order for Christianity to be true.  If God did not create the universe, then he is not the Creator. If God is not the Creator, he has no authority over creation.  If God has no authority over creation, he is not worthy of worship.  If mankind did not sin, they would not need a savior.  If mankind does not need a savior, then Jesus died in vain.  If Jesus died in vain, he is not God.  If Jesus is not God, then he did not rise from the dead.  If Jesus did not rise from the dead, then Christians have no hope, and are to be pitied.  Seeing as the rest of history depends on the truth of creation, God could have done a better job at creating the world in a way that makes sense under scrutiny.

 

Many other portions of the Bible only make sense when taken by faith.  Once you lose your faith, as I have, these stories clearly appear unreasonable.  Another example of the Bible not matching reality is in the prophesies for the end of days.  I have been to many preachings and revival meetings where the preacher predicts that the second coming of Christ is just around the corner.  They point to wars and rumors of wars.  They point to the latest events in Israel.  They point to the rise in violence, debauchery, homosexuality, adultery, faithlessness, and conclude that God must be at the point where he can't take it anymore.  They point to all the end of the world prophesies that have now been fulfilled.  What they don't point to is the fact that evil people have always existed.  The world may be becoming more sinful in some areas, but we have improved in other areas over the past couple thousand years as well.  We no longer consider cannibalism, slavery, bigamy, or incest as being acceptable.  Overall, though, people are the same as they always have been.  These preachers don't point to all the prophesies that have not been fulfilled.  There has not been a great battle between the king of the North and the King of the South.  The Antichrist has not defiled the temple-there isn't even a temple anymore.  There has never been a 200 million man army attack Israel.  Countless other prophesies have not yet been fulfilled.  The world today looks more different than similar to the world described in the prophesies, and I find it highly unlikely that it will change drastically any time soon.  In reading Jesus's own prophesies, the second coming was to have happened during that generation.  Jesus linked the rapture to the destruction of the temple 1900 years ago.  Peter said that they were in the last days at Pentecost.  Paul believed that the first century church would experience the rapture.  Were Jesus, Peter, and Paul wrong?  Was the inspired word of God wrong about the timing of the rapture?  It really should have taken place almost 2,000 years ago.  One prophesy that the Bible did seem to get right was that in the last days scoffers would claim that the second coming would not take place.  I guess I am now one of those doubters the Bible foresaw.

 

I could go on with more examples of why I no longer trust the Bible to be the inerrant, inspired word of God, but that is not the point.  The point is that the Bible claims to be the word of God, and the Bible is the only authoritative source of information about God.  If the Bible did not exist, we would have no reliable information pointing to even the existence of God.  We can't reach God through science.  We can't reach God through logic.  Dreams, visions and drugs are unreliable means of approaching God.  Other religions have claimed to reach their various versions of a god, but those also lack substance.  If the Bible is not completely true, then we have absolutely nothing pointing us to God.  As it stands, the Bible is an uncorroborated account whose story is incongruent with observable facts.  I cannot base my faith on that.

 

Christianity Demands More Faith Than I Have

 

During the past few years I have started to learn a lot about Islam.  I have learned about Mohammad's life, and how the Koran came to be written.  I have also gained considerable insight as to what Muslims believe, and how they think.  I am amazed at how much they submit to Islam, and how devout they are in spite of the gaping lack of evidence of truth in their beliefs.  Mohammad was able to go out and receive these revelations from God that conveniently benefited his situation at the time, and was able to convince his followers that he was God's prophet.  Today over a billion people follow the teachings and the actions of Mohammad, even at the expense of reason.

 

If Judaism demands sanctification and Islam demands absolute submission, then Christianity demands absolute faith.  Yet when I hold Christianity up to the same levels of skeptical scrutiny that I hold Islam or any one of the other religions I have previously rejected, it does not do much better.  I have rejected Islam because I do not believe that reason does not allow me to just accept the words of Mohammad.  I have rejected Raëlism, because I do not believe there is enough evidence that the world was created by extraterrestrial scientists.  I do not believe an angel showed Joseph Smith writings inscribed in gold.  Am I a bad person for rejecting these beliefs?  Does my lack of faith in these beliefs demonstrate a moral deficiency on my part?  I don't believe so.  All of my life I have rejected nearly every religious faith on earth, because there is not enough evidence for them.  I am now simply adding one more belief to the long list of faiths I no longer believe in.  I don't consider my lack of faith in Christianity as a failure, just as with those other beliefs.  My leaving of my Christian beliefs is not a result of any rebellion nor bitterness toward God.  This is also not a rejection of Christian people.  It is not the result of a desire to live a life of sin.  It is simply a decision that I can no longer base my life on beliefs I can't hold on to.

 

I realize that by demanding evidence for my faith, I am going against what the Bible teaches about faith.  I realize that faith is the assurance of things we do not see, and that those who believe without seeing are blessed.  I also realize that without faith it is impossible to please God.  But after 31 years I can't do it anymore.  I can no longer hold on to my faith while God withholds evidence for me to believe.  Just as I would not expect others to believe me without me providing them reason, I can no longer put so much effort into trusting a God who does not reciprocate.

 

People much smarter than me will continue having the creation vs evolution debate long after I'm dead, and I don't expect any resolution to it.  The Bible clearly says that only through faith can we understand that God created the universe.  My concern is that if God wants to demand for us to trust him, there should be no room for a debate in the first place.  Scientists looking for the origins of the universe should consistently find evidence pointing clearly to God.  The fact that God created the universe should be so scientifically grounded that it can be used in daily life, in much the same way that law enforcement uses evolution through DNA evidence.  If God is to demand absolute faith, then he should demonstrate himself to be someone we can put our absolute faith in.  Someone who earnestly seeks God should be able to find him.

 

Many people point to George Mueller as a prime example of a man who lived by faith.  His story truly is amazing.  How he was able to provide for those orphans for so many years without ever requesting donations is admirable.  The world would be much better off with more men like him.  The Bible is likewise filled with examples of men with great faith.  I can't even imagine how it must have felt to be Elijah, telling the priests of Baal to pour more water on his sacrifice.  Jesus also displayed amazing faith, heading to the cross knowing that he would bear the sins of the world, but then be raised again.  Those, and many others, serve as excellent examples of what faith looks like, and why we can have confidence in our own faith.  But what about the guy who started an orphanage down the street from George Mueller?  He also took in lots of starving children.  He also had faith that God would provide for his ministry.  He also did not request donations, or made his needs known.  His orphanage was closed down for lack of funds, and he lived the rest of his life trying to repay a mountain of debt he acquired out of faith.  Did he demonstrate any less faith than George Mueller?  Why don't we talk about his amazing faith?  We don't even know his name.  What would have happened to Elijah if the flames never came down from heaven?  Would it have been due to his lack of faith?  What about the thousands of martyrs who have stood for their faith in the face of death, and were not rescued from the fiery furnace?  What if God didn't raise Jesus from the dead?  What if after all these years of faith I find out God has not forgiven my sins?  How can I trust God to rescue me after death, when he has failed so many others in life?

 

Steps Forward

 

This is a major turning point in my life.  I have only decided on this course after years of mental and emotional struggle.  I still don't know what I believe, and I will probably spend the rest of my life trying to determine what I can put my faith in.  I will continue to be the same person I always have been.  I believe in Truth and will try to find it.  I plan to use my talents and abilities to do as much good for the world and those I care about.  I will try to stop those who seek to hurt those I care about.  I hope to get married.  I will continue to learn and grow the rest of my life, challenging what I believe, and looking for new solutions.  I hope to make a positive impact on those I meet.  I will seek to improve myself every day.  Then I expect to die.